Home renovations. Are you tough enough? Hooyah!

Like many folks out there, my wife and I are so upside down on our mortgage, it’s like living through a polar shift. Today, our condo is worth only about one-third of the price we bought it for in 2001, not to mention how far we are away from what it was valued at five years ago (in Mafioso, all I can say is fuggedaboutit). And since we’re trying to move this year, we’re in a tough position. Well, as tough as any anchor around your neck puts you in.

Unable to sell our condo, we’re forced to do what my neighbors and many others like us have had to do: rent our condo and buy a new house from scratch. A tough swing, let me tell you. Buyer’s market or not, price tags are high when you don’t have the profit from one home sale to help out with the next purchase. Luckily, there are a lot of renters out there right now to ease the burden of waiting or carrying two mortgages.

As with anything, presentation goes a long way, so my wife and I are currently in the throes of redoing our condo: painting, cleaning, organizing, swearing, living in interior design sin as we turn our home into nothing short of a Navy SEAL obstacle course designed to weed out the weakest candidates. Hooyah!

What astounds me most is all the (we might as well call it what it is) “crap” two people accumulate over the years. You might suspect but never really realize how much of it you have until you take it all out and lay it before your feet or turn it over in your hands, asking yourself “Why the heck did I ever buy this? Did I buy this?” It’s nothing short of a mini life review in which all your wrongs head to the surface, while the Home Shopping Network laughs all the way to the bank.

“Hey, here’s that oven mitt-tong combo I never used.”

“Hey, here’s that ergonomic nutcracker I forgot all about.”

Sorting of this magnitude leaves you reaching for the garbage bags more than the packing paper and boxes, if for no other reason than to dispose of the evidence.

Some rooms are worse than others, but the kitchen seems to be a nightmare in a league unto itself because 1) It’s a magnet for infomercial products and 2) it’s got grime like nowhere else in your house. Come on, am I the only person who has ignored the territories of dust whose borders can be seen peeking out the bottom of your oven and refrigerator. I call them territories because they lay claim to countless dropped items one doesn’t dare to search for. And if we ever do try to run our finger or wire hanger under there for the pen cap we just dropped (because pen caps have value, right), what comes out is more, way more, than we bargained for – kind like redoing, refurbishing, or remodeling your home, which always leave you scratching your head wondering, “Why am I doing this?”

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