An elderly couple is lying in bed one morning having just awakened from a good night’s sleep. He takes her hand and she respond, “Don’t touch me!”
“Why not?” he asks.
She answers back, “Because I’m dead.”
The husband says to her, “What on earth are you talking about? We’re both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.”
The wife says, “Not so; I’m definitely dead.”
Her husband insists, “You’re not dead. What in the world makes you think you’re dead?”
His wife answers, “I know I’m dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.”
An elderly woman walked into the local church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up a flight of steps.
“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.
“The front row please,” she answered.
“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you know who I am?” the woman inquired.
“No,” he said
“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.
“Do you know who I am?” asked the usher.
“No,” she replied.
“Good,” he answered.
