Sometimes women just have to rearrange the furniture. Itās part of our DNA. For me, this can only be accomplished when my husband is going fishing for a weekend.
Del Webb homes thankfully afford the homeowner infinite possibilities as to different room arrangements. As soon as I receive word one way or another that Iām going to have a full weekend to watch HGTV and plan my new room arrangement, I can hardly wait to begin. Exercising caution, however, is the key to a successful outcome.
And that means never beginning the process the minute I see his car pull out of the driveway. Without fail, heāll have forgotten something and will need to return to retrieve it just as Iāve begun to move a chair.
āWhy do you need to move the furniture? I like it just the way it is,ā he will inevitably say.
Itās difficult to restrain myself, but waiting out that 45-minute interval until heās safely heading north on 90 is well worth the effort in the long run.
Now let me say that my husbandās idea of decorating is a Lazy Boy recliner next to a dorm-size refrigerator that also doubles as a side table. The idea that a remote control is the only necessary accessory for any one household remains his decorating philosophy.
The first order of business is to purchase fresh flowers to place in my lovely crystal vase on the breakfast table. If I attempt to do this while my husband is home, within five minutes heād have had the sports section thrown over it, knocking it over, water spilling onto the floor, and Iād be crying.
All afternoon I stay busy moving sofas, chairs, end and coffee tables, lamps, magazine racks, and pictures. I change out throw pillows, which makes all the difference in the look of the room. Midafternoon, I see we clearly need a side chair in the living room for brightness and additional seating. I know I canāt spend too much money Ā¬ā thereās that angry husband issue. Pier One is having an end-of-season sale and is located conveniently on Randall Road. Iāll just zip over there and take a look.
I strike decorator gold when I find the most adorable floral chair, side table, and matching lamp – all on sale. The Property Brothers have nothing on me, and Iām thrifty too, which should please my husband.
On the way home, I stop at my girlfriendās house. Her husband is with mine, so Iām certain sheās rearranging her furniture too. She loves the floral chair, so we head back to the store to purchase one for her.
I soon notice that weāre both having some difficulty getting in and out of the van. We take an aspirin and I head home to shower and change so I can pick her up in an hour to go to Alās CafĆ© for dinner.
After weāre comfortably seated at Alās and have ordered steak (for protein) and extra large chocolate milk shakes (for energy), we discuss how to handle our returning husbands. Hopefully they caught a lot of fish and are in relaxed moods.
Sunday morning I cannot get out of bed. I am sure my back is broken. From a prone position I call my partner in decorating crime and sheās in similar straits. Weāll have to wait until our husbands return to help us get to the bathroom and bring us some food. We both wonder if Edgewaterās Neighbors Helping Neighbors is operational on weekends.
Sunday evening Iām still in bed, a little foggy from the Tylenol-3s with codeine I had to take to dull the excruciating pain in my back that is now shooting down my legs. I hear the fishing tackle box drop noisily to the floor where only a short 24 hours ago a table once stood.
āYou did it again, didnāt you?ā my husband asks as he stands in the bedroom doorway.
āChicken noodle or cream of tomato?ā he asks casually as if heās done this a few times before.
“And whereās my Lazy Boy?”
