A potato farmer hired a young man to help him with the harvest. After dumping a truckload of potatoes in the barn, he asked him to sort them into three piles, one for large, one for medium sized and the third for smaller ones. The lad said, âfine, that shouldnât be too hard.â After an hour or so the farmer decided to check back and see how the new helper was doing. He walked into the barn and found him curled up in a fetal position on the floor. Angered at the scene he found, the farmer spoke harshly to the young man, âwhatâs going on, I thought you said this job shouldnât be too hard.â âThe work isnât too hard he replied, itâs those decisions that are killing me.â
That explains why my wife found me curled up on the couch last week, clutching a pillow to my chest, a painful look on my face. âAre you all right Tom?â she asked.
When I assured her I was not physically ill she wondered aloud if I had found a movie yet for my next column. âHoney,â I replied, âdid I ever tell you that I once worked for a potato farmer?â Those decisions UGH.
And no wonder. Between AMC Lake in the Hills, Regal Cinema in Crystal Lake and AMC Barrington, there are 52 screens, and not one of them is showing a film (that I havenât already written about) that I would go to see, despite my editorsâ exhortations. (My comments exclude childrenâs movies.) Throw in the Woodstock Cinema, Marcus Cinema in Elgin, and the newer theater at Spring Hill Mall, and youâre adding another 30 or so screens. Admittedly most of the theaters show the same âdietâ of films as the others, but every now and then you may get lucky and find something different. Not so this time. There is a glut of third rate films, some of them have glowing reviews from the so called experts, but when you zero in on them, they are filled with exactly the kind of garbage I donât like and, after talking to many of you, you donât either. So, today Iâm âmad as hell, and Iâm not going to take it anymore.â
On the other side of the coin, there is a movie I am anxious to see. Itâs entitled The Old Man and the Gun, starring Robert Redford, and is being billed as his last film. It was released in early September, and for the week ending October 21, landed in the top ten grossing films list. The only place I can find it is in the city, down there where you need an armored car. (Iâm only willing to go in there when I can get to the Chicago Cut Steak House, which despite my bucket list, I havenât been to). I love most of Redfordâs films, and cannot understand why this movie has not made it to the suburban theaters yet. Hopefully it will be within reach in time for my next column.
So, if you made it this far, thank you for putting up with my ranting and raving. I am (not so patiently) awaiting Hollywoodâs year end release of their âOscar worthyâ films, and Iâm sure many of you are too. That is, of course, if they actually have any.
