Brushing up on my offendedness

Over the holidays, I got into a conversation with my adult niece and three adult nephews (ages ranging from young twenties to early thirties), and while I won’t say it was entirely uncomfortable, I will say that it was somewhat uncomfortable because I’m not a very good conversationalist. There’s a reason I’m in print journalism and not broadcast. I’ve never been able to express myself well orally. I’m a slow, cautious thinker and without the ability to edit, I often feel on the spot. Writing is the only way I can truly and effectively organize my thoughts and communicate with someone.

On this particular afternoon my niece and nephews asked me questions about my childhood and the way I was raised. I understood their curiosity. They don’t know much about my childhood, and I was happy for their interest, but without time to pause and reflect on those long-ago days, I misspoke about a dozen times or more. Ultimately, the conversation resulted in some half-truths (which I’ll have to clarify one day) and one of my nephews yelling at me (a reaction I admittedly incited) because I offended him.

Or maybe I didn’t offend him.

I don’t really know because I don’t know what being offended means.

This was a concept I could tell my niece (maybe especially my niece) and nephews struggled with when we talked about the outburst, that someone had no idea what being offended meant. My niece even went so far as to try to explain it to me much like I would try to explain a feeling to my four-year-old son: “Well, you know how sometimes you get angry….”

Of course, I know the definition of being offended. I’m pretty sure I’ve offended plenty of people in my life (I’m a reporter, after all!), but I can’t recall one time in my life when I’ve been offended…personally or for anyone else. Literally, not one.

I later asked my wife if she’s ever been offended, and after several long seconds of thought, she could only recall one time in her life she’d been offended, and it wasn’t for herself but for something someone said about me once. I then asked a few of my friends, and they all said the same thing, they’ve either never been offended or only have in regards to someone else. So maybe it’s a generational thing. Maybe Gen Xers are very difficult or almost impossible to offend.

After some light research, I learned Gen Xers were often described on multiple sites as “independent,” “diverse,” “pragmatic,” “unimpressed,” “anti-establishment,” and “cynical.”

In keeping with my strict, personal policy to not disclose my personal views on anything, I won’t say which (if any or all) of those apply to me except that I’m only impressed by a person’s character and not at all impressed with someone’s status or achievements (though I will always celebrate a job well done). More research also showed that, yes, Gen Xers are incredibly hard to offend. Perhaps it’s because we’re also labeled as doers instead of dreamers or as being direct, so perhaps we don’t have the time to be offended, especially by untrue assessments.

I know that’s true for me.

In my opinion, when something offensive is thrown out or I’m criticized, it comes down to a matter of three things: the statement/scenario is true, false, or partially so.

If it’s false, then I immediately dismiss it and move on. If it’s true, I assess it, address it, see if I can or, probably more accurately, want to change the behavior or situation. And if it’s partially one way or the other, I dismiss the part that’s untrue, maybe try to offer a clarification, or again, decide if I can change whatever it is or if I want to. That’s it. There’s no room for emotional outrage, which in my experience, has often lead to serious errors in judgement. Also it’s counter-productive, which is another word to describe Generation X: productive.

Just when I was about to give up my search for something that offended me (like I need another negative emotion in my life), it hit me:

Photo filters and Grammarly.

Let’s start with photo filters, the ones that come stock in programs like Adobe Lightroom or on Instagram.

I spent years, going all the way back to film, learning how to photo edit and photo illustrate and apply different techniques to photos to achieve an artistic and/or dramatic result. Today, all one needs to do is make a selection in a menu of presets and done…he’s a great photographer.

And then there’s Grammarly, that intuitive grammar checker. I have literally spent my life since I was sixteen learning the level of grammar it takes to communicate properly in written form. And since our language is not static and is ever evolving, my education continues to this day and will continue for the rest of my life. Grammarly allows people to sidestep those years of work and does it for them. With one little click nowadays, everyone’s a grammarian.

But I guess that’s what I get for being a part of a generation that’s also known looking for ways to do the most minimal amount of work possible. Now, where’s my phone? It’s getting a little dark in here, and I’d like to ask Siri to turn on my lights.

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