Many years ago, while driving home from a Canada fishing trip, my buddy Jim and I ran into some road construction in Minnesota.
“Right lane closed 3 miles ahead,” the sign said. Car after car politely pulled into the crowded left lane—and because I was the one driving at the time, I zipped past in the now-much-faster right lane.
“This lane is closing,” Jim said.
“Right,” I confirmed. “In three miles.”
And thus began a conversation / discussion / argument / lecture about what kind of person would do such a thing as what the other guy wanted to do.
Jim opined that civilization depended upon civility. It’s right there in the word, he pointed out.
I remarked that we were making much better time than all those lefty mopes rolling slowly along. Besides, my limited math skills suggested that packing a thousand cars into one lane takes twice the distance than packing them into two lanes. What if there’s an exit a mile up the road, and some of these drivers want to get off there?
Eventually, a self-appointed vigilante pulled into the open lane and then slowed down to creeper-lane speed, just to return civility to civilization, I guess.
Jim lauded his heroism.
I opined otherly.
The discussion continued for miles after we passed the construction zone, along with a “how do you live with yourself?” vibe from the passenger side of the car. It ended with Jim offering to pray for my forgiveness that night. (I never suggested that Jim was a bad friend, just that he was wrong and I was right. And I can forgive a friend his flaws, too.)
A few days after we got home, I read a newspaper article that said the state police of Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois and Michigan were releasing a joint suggestion that drivers in that situation should use all lanes possible until they reach the “pinch point,” and then to merge politely one after another.
They called it the “zipper merge.”
I clipped the article and mailed it to Jim. I never heard back from him about it, so he probably prayed that night to rescind whatever unneeded forgiveness may have washed me clean the previous night.
I thought of that road trip today, because I just returned from another road trip with a friend, and because I was the one driving, I did again exactly what I did back then when we hit a construction tie-up.
And the result was the same conversation as I had in that previous trip so long ago.
Fortunately, the conversation never got to the argument / lecture part of the program. It ended with a kind of “agree to disagree” vibe from the other side of the car.
But as I said earlier, that first road trip took place a long time ago, long before God gave us the Internet. We live in a more blessed informational time today, so when I got home I decided to ask Mama Google if I was right or wrong in zipping ahead in that open right lane while kinder, gentler people glowered at me from their slowly creeping cars in the left lane.
And here’s what Mama Google said when I asked her if “zipper merging” was really a thing, or if it was some kind of alternate-fact justification for being a self-centered butthead:
“A 2013 study conducted in Minnesota found that the zipper merge can reduce traffic backup lengths by up to 40%, alleviate congestion, promote fairness by having all drivers move at a consistent speed, and decrease road rage.”
Beyond that, I dug a little deeper to see what AAA had to say about it:
“To many drivers, immediately using their turn signal and trying to merge into the next lane seems like the most courteous thing to do. The zipper merge can be interpreted as cutting in line. But research has shown that the zipper merge is more efficient because it uses more available road space for as long as possible—helping to keep traffic moving.
“States across the country have been implementing zipper merge recommendations for more than a decade. For example, a 2020 law in Illinois aligned the state with others like Minnesota, Missouri, North Carolina, Montana and Nevada that have rules on zipper merging.
“Also, traffic research found that a zipper merge in construction zones significantly cuts down the overall length of a traffic backup. It improves safety by promoting similar travel speeds between adjacent lanes, and it helps create a sense of fairness and equity because all lanes are moving at the same pace.
“This merge technique requires cooperation and consistent behavior among drivers in order to be successful. Misconceptions about the zipper merge being rude or causing further delays are dispelled by studies showing its benefits in reducing traffic backup as well as promoting fairness on the road. Embracing the zipper merge can lead to smoother and safer driving experiences in congested conditions.”
Oh, I know some of you will still disagree with me about this. In previous columns, I have shown you the light regarding putting silverware into the dishwasher properly with the points down, sensibly putting the toilet paper flap over the top instead of absurdly underneath, why you’re an idiot if you day-drive with the lights off, and why dogs are much better pets (and people) than cats are.
And yet, some of you have still stubbornly refused to come to the light.
Oh well. You have the right to be wrong, I guess.
Look, if we ever take a road trip together, I’ll surely give you a million good reasons why you can’t wait for the drive to end—but when it comes to merging, just zip it.
TR Kerth is the author of the book “Revenge of the Sardines.” Contact him at trkerth@yahoo.com
