In the last issue of this paper, I wrote about some of those ear-worms that can drive you crazy.
Not the musical ear-worms, like that song you hear once in the morning that still haunts you as you go to bed at night. No, I discussed those linguistic ear-worms that you hear other people say over and over again every time they open their mouths.
Like that teenager who can’t keep his mouth from saying “You know” after every six or eight words.
Or his sister who spews “Like” before every sentence when she recounts a conversation she had.
Or your brother-in-law who says “Literally” like literally a million times, you know?
On top of those, I added a few others — like starting a sentence with “Look,” as President Obama was fond of doing, maybe to imply that his vision was better than yours. Or people answering a question by beginning a sentence with “So,” as if they see some cause-effect connection that others are missing.
I warned readers at the outset of the column that the linguistic ear-worms I would discuss were maddening, and that it might be best if they just stopped reading, rather than letting the worms burrow in their ear-holes and lay eggs in their brain.
But apparently nobody takes my cautions seriously, judging by email from readers over the past week or so.
The first came from Chris La Pelusa, the executive editor of this paper, who confessed to peppering “like” throughout every sentence he speaks. He blames his habit on the California “Valley Girl” speak that flourished when he was in high school.
“That word wormed its way into my vernacular, and I’ve been trying to break it my entire adult life and just can’t,” he said. “It’ll probably be on my gravestone when I die! ‘Like, here lies Chris. He was like….’”
I apologized to Chris for hitting his tender spot with my column, hoping I hadn’t gone too far this time, but his letter to me was only the first. Because when it comes to hitting tender spots regarding ear-worms, it turns out I hadn’t gone far enough.
Ken C wrote to tell me, “There is one ear-worm all too common that you missed: ‘I mean….’ Some start every sentence with ‘I mean’ and it drives me nuts. Know what I mean?”
And Ken wasn’t the only one to call me out for missing so many other worms. Next I heard from Eileen G, who gnashed her teeth every time she heard: “I says to her and she goes, and then I go….”
How did I miss that one?
“And why do so many people say ‘relator’ instead of realtor?” she went on. “And why is it the price point, instead of simply the price?”
Eileen was on a roll now.
Next, she launched into people who “go by Jewels to get some food,” although I think that ear-worm doesn’t reach super-worm status unless you call it “the Jewels,” and then pronounce it as one syllable, with the pure S pronounced at the end: “The Joolss.” Classic ear-worm.
Hearing from readers like Chris, Ken, and Eileen set me off again. Scolded for having missed so much, I dug into brain cells where even deeper ear-worms dwelled.
Like people who call it “jewlery” instead of jewelry.
Or those who “call in the Calvary” rather than the cavalry.
Or who say “all the sudden” instead of “all of a sudden.”
So many worms, so little time.
When I was in college, I had a professor who used the phrase “today we will attempt to try” several times per class period. He never promised that we would “do” anything. We wouldn’t even “try to do” anything. We would just “attempt to try to do” something. And since that is all I remember of him, it is likely that my education from him never actually happened, but ended at the “attempt.”
That was some sixty years ago. I have never heard anybody else use that redundant phrase — just one proof of how powerful those irritating linguistic ear-worms can be. Once they burrow down to your deepest brain cells, there’s no rooting them out.
So I apologize for digging deeper into this irritating subject again this week. Irritating you is the last thing I want to do. But it’s still on my list.
TR Kerth is the author of the book “Revenge of the Sardines.” Contact him at trkerth@yahoo.com
