You probably have plenty of pet peeves about the way that other people speak, right?
You know what I mean — that teenager who can’t keep his mouth from saying “You know” after every six or eight words.
Or his sister who spews “Like” before every sentence when she recounts a conversation she had.
Or your brother-in-law who says “Literally” like literally a million times, you know?
That’s the kind of linguistic ear-worm I’m talking about, and once you take note of them, they can drive you crazy. If so, stop reading right now, because this column will surely plant just one more linguistic worm in your ear to drive you crazy.
Because there’s another one out there lately, and if you haven’t noticed it yet, you might want to just turn the page.
I felt that way eight or ten years ago, when Barack Obama was president. For the record, I like Obama, but he had a worm that drove me crazy.
Because he had a habit of starting so many sentences with: “Look….”
And because you couldn’t turn on the TV without seeing him being asked a question by someone or other, he said “Look” a lot.
Who knows why the most powerful man on the planet would adopt a habit of beginning a sentence with “Look.” I guess it might be a way of saying “Look! I see something that you don’t.” Like being the first one to notice that the lightning bugs have come out in the evening — “Look!”
And once that worm was unleashed, other speakers inadvertently picked up the habit. It was eight years of a nation of “Look-ers” that drove me crazy.
But Obama isn’t president anymore, so you don’t hear “Look” at the start of everybody’s sentence much anymore. Still, I miss him — even though he drove me crazy almost every time he started a sentence.
But if you want to hear the current linguistic ear-worm that is driving me crazy, just turn on any news show that features people being interviewed. It doesn’t matter whether the show is far right or far left, or somewhere in the middle. FOX, MSNBC, CNN — any of them will do.
And if you’re a betting person, I’ll bet that once the interviewer asks the question, I can tell you the first word that will come out of the mouth of the one being interviewed.
This is your last chance. If you read further, the worm will be in your ear. And you can’t unhear it once it’s been heard.
Still here? OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So here it is: I’ll bet if you listen to a guy being interviewed, his first word will be “So….”
Time after time.
Question after question.
Person after person.
“So….”
Go ahead, turn on that news program. Meet the worm. Say hello to my little friend.
Again, who can say why a word like “So” catches on as a way to open a sentence when you’re being asked your opinion or experience on a subject? It may be that “So” implies some kind of understanding that you possess that may have been missed by others. Because, after all, “so” is a coordinating conjunction that shows some causal relationship between two things. “It was raining, so I grabbed an umbrella.”
Just as “Look” may hint that you possess some sort of vision that others may lack, “So” may hint that you understand causes and effects that elude others.
That may be it. Or not. I don’t know. Because that still doesn’t explain why it shows up at the front of sentences during interviews instead of in the middle, the way the rest of us use it.
All I know is that it’s out there. On every interview show. And it drives me crazy enough that I find myself saying “So” as soon as the interviewer ends his question, and time after time I hear the word echoing back from the guy on the TV at the start of his answer.
And now that you know, you’ll hear it the next time you turn on the TV. It’s too late now not to notice it, to avoid the agony of hearing it time and again, because you read this all the way to the end.
And now that you know it’s out there, look, it’ll like literally drive you crazy, you know?
So you have me to thank for putting the worm in your ear. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Because it’s a maddening way for people to talk, the likes of which has never been seen before.
TR Kerth is the author of the book “Revenge of the Sardines.” Contact him at trkerth@yahoo.com
