Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. I recently visited an old friend who I have not seen in a while, and I was taken aback by the clutter in her home. Papers were all over the counters as well as lots of dirty dishes on the counter. Things just didn’t look right. I would not categorize her as a hoarder, but I think it could be the start of something. Do you have suggestions of how help her without being offensive?
A. It is good that you were able to pay a social visit to your friend and recognize that things were not quite “right.” Hoarding is a serious issue widely seen in the senior population. While we don’t understand everything behind hoarding, there are basic things to be aware of.
Since you haven’t seen your friend in a while, it’s best to start from square one. Be genuine and seek to understand if there have been changes in her life. There may be loss, depression, loneliness, or a sense of feeling overwhelmed in life that might have started this behavior. There could be many other causes that are not obvious.
In any case, as a friend, it is good to just talk. You may find a gentle way to help. Offer to help sort through one small section of clutter in her home only if permission is granted. People who hoard are very attached to their belongings, no matter how useless they may seem to others.
If the situation does not improve, if you see unsafe conditions in the home, or if you notice signs of self-neglect, it may be time to seek the advice of a professional. The Illinois Department of Aging has a toll free number where you can report instances of self-neglect. The 24-hour hot-line number is 1-866-800-1409. Of course, her family and her family doctor would be a good place to start. All you can do is come alongside her and be a friend during this challenging time.
• Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
