Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. I am moved to tears as I take care of my mother. She has Alzheimerās, and I get frustrated with so many things. How can I maintain my sanity as well as her dignity?
A. Watching our loved ones as they face declining health is both challenging and so very sad. While you donāt say exactly what frustrates you, I can guess there are many things that can cause you to act in ways that make you question who you are as a person!
The short version answer I offer is to remember that your mother is an individual. She may not be acting like her usual self, but she still needs your love and affection in the kindest way possible. So, for example, if she asks the same question repeatedly, gently answer it with the understanding behind the repetition. She cannot help herself. Telling her she already asked the same question is not going to keep her from asking it again.
By responding to her in a somewhat confrontational manner, you will fuel your frustration. So keep it simple and go with the flow. Work gently with her and re-direct her. My friendās grandmother used to wear clothes that didnāt match. It frustrated my friend to no end because she wanted everything ājust so.ā Finally, she decided that if they were going to stay indoors that day, the crazy outfits would be perfectly fine.
I highly recommend finding a caregiver support group or an Alzheimerās support group. You can find one on the Internet, but if you are not computer savvy, contact your area hospital and ask to speak with the chaplain. They are a great resource, along with local churches or Senior Services Associates. The Alzheimerās Association has a website to explore (www.alz.org/) and has many resources for you, too. Try to pick your battles, as they say. It will relieve the pressure so that you will have more room for joy!
ā¢ Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
