Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Arlene Petersen, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. I have noticed that my fatherās house really needs attention. I know he isnāt cleaning even though he says he is. I want to hire a cleaning service, but he wonāt agree. He has mild dementia and lives alone.
A. Keeping a clean house is difficult for many of us! When we get into our golden years, it can be a greater challenge. We canāt move like we used to. Your father, however, has a double challenge. He may not be physically able to clean house, and he may not have the cognition about it. In other words, he may honestly believe he has cleaned when, in fact, he has not, or he may not see that his house needs cleaning. This situation may require a baby step process, but hopefully, it can have big rewards for both of you.
One baby step is for you to get personally involved. If you are able, you might want to schedule a time for you to āhelpā him clean. Start small by picking one room, and if he is able to help you, do it together. This process can continue over a period of time; letās say every few weeks or monthly.
Once you have established a routine, it may be a good time to introduce the idea of having another source of help with this. This is another baby step. A conversation that focuses on the idea that a service would help you as well as free up time for the two of you to spend together may actually make him more receptive to the idea. If heās open to this idea, a cleaning service maybe just the right thing. You may be able to get a service to come by āas needed.ā If light housekeeping is all thatās needed, you might suggest a personal caregiver that can not only help keep up with the light chores around the house but can also help with laundry and meal preparation. If your father feels comfortable with this type of arrangement, it can really help him stay independent in the comfort of his own home for a long time.
A good agency can walk you through this process. Start slow, look at your options, and talk tenderly with your father. Sometimes if we share how challenging it is for us as adult children, our loved ones are a bit more receptive to ideas that are met with roadblocks.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to apetersen@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
