Our Ask An Angel correspondent is Re Kielar, Life Care Navigation Specialist in the area of senior home care.
Q. We gathered at momās house for the holidays and it was obvious something has changed for her. We found her house a mess, papers all over the place, and she looked a little unkempt. My mom has always been very tidy and organized, so these findings were a little unsettling. I am going to suggest she thinks about her options, but I donāt even know what is available. What do families do in this situation?
A. Holiday visits with elderly family members are wonderful and can be very revealing. The changes you noticed with your mom are things to pay attention to. Letās start with the basics. I am so happy to hear that you will be discussing options with her. It is important to let her have control and take the lead and your part involves equipping her with information. Then you can work together. Focus your attention on her safety and your peace of mind. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with these objectives in mind will steer your conversation. Let her do the talking and listen with an open mind. Offer your observations carefully and let her know what you have noticed during your visit as well as that your concern is for her well-being. Safety is a priority! You may receive a defensive or reactive response, so be prepared with options. So, letās talk about that. When I say options, think of it as presenting suggestions. You might want to involve her physician and have a conversation, together! Her doctor may recommend seeing a specialist, to investigate if any type of dementia is creeping into her life. In the meantime, since you live a distance you might consider hiring a professional caregiver to be at her side at certain times, to assist her with some of the areas of concern you noticed. This would certainly give you a little peace of mind, knowing a second set of eyes are on her. A caregiver would promote her independence and allow her to ākeep houseā the way she likes it, stay active with errands, and even open opportunities for socializing with friends. Another consideration would be to have her live closer to you. If that is a good option, what would that look like? If she lived with you, would you need the help of a caregiver? That might allow you to have rest for yourself as well as care for her. Itās important to think about how you will fuel your ātankā as you take on the role of caregiver. If that isnāt a good option, then it might be a good idea to start interviewing different communities that cater to senior living or provide assisted living. Make a list of questions and keep track of the information you collect as you visit different properties. This will ensure you are comparing information and services provided in a consistent manner. The most important thing is to keep her involved in the process. It is her journey as well as yours, and maintaining your momās dignity and independence is a part of everyoneās well-being.
Have a question for our angel correspondent? You can send our angel an email to rkielar@visitingangels.com or send your question via mail to Ask An Angel, 65 Woodbury St., South Elgin, IL 60177.
