Q. I’m hoping you can help me think through a difficult situation that keeps popping up with my mom.
My dad passed away nearly five years ago, and since then, my mom has been living alone. For a while, my wife would bring our kids over during the week to visit for a few hours. Now that our kids are older, they’re in school and involved in sports, so our visits have naturally slowed down.
Lately, my mom has been talking more and more about getting a dog. I understand that she’s feeling the effects of a quieter home, and I think she misses having someone or something to take care of. She thinks a dog would give her companionship and purpose.
The problem is, I’m not so sure a dog is a good idea. My mom doesn’t get around very well, and her hearing isn’t the best. I worry about the practical side of owning a dog. I know she wouldn’t be able to walk it regularly, might miss cues that it needs to go out, and couldn’t chase after it should it get loose. I’m also concerned about her safety. I could see her tripping over the dog, getting pulled down, or getting bitten because she didn’t see it.
Do you have any suggestions on how I can approach this more pragmatically, without coming across as disrespectful?
A. Thank you for writing in. I empathize with what your mom is going through. It’s common for the quiet to settle in more heavily over time after experiencing such a loss. Your mom’s desire for a dog seems to stem from a need for companionship, routine, and feeling needed again.
Your thoughts about her having a dog are valid. Dogs, even calm ones, come with a level of unpredictability and physical demand that can be risky for someone with limited mobility. Falls are a real concern, especially with something moving underfoot or pulling unexpectedly. Add in hearing challenges, and all of a sudden, the day-to-day energy a dog requires can become a stressful situation.
I recommend you start by acknowledging what she’s really saying: she feels lonely, and the house is too quiet. From there, you can gently share your concerns and present them in a way that conveys your concern over her safety and well-being.
Then, shift the focus toward alternatives that still meet the underlying need. Perhaps you and your wife can create a more consistent rhythm of visits, or maybe your mom can attend the kids’ games or even volunteer at their school.
Speaking of volunteering, this can be a powerful outlet. Help your mom find local volunteer opportunities where she can find her purpose again. She may even enjoy volunteering at a local animal shelter, where she can enjoy the benefits of being around animals without the full responsibility of caring for a pet.
If she insists on a pet, you could try a cat or another small animal that may be easier to manage. Plants are also a great option, and come with even fewer risks.
Remember, this is really about her feelings of loneliness and what she’s trying to do with it. Keep the conversation open, and help her find something that fills that space in a way that also respects her abilities and keeps her safe.
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