Q. I’m writing as a very concerned daughter who is feeling a little stuck when it comes to my dad. He’s in his upper 60s, extremely active, and generally healthy, which I’m grateful for. However, recently he had a spot removed from the upper part of his left ear. Thankfully, it turned out to be benign, but it shook me more than it did him.
My problem is that my dad doesn’t seem too concerned about the skin cancer coming back. He has no interest in preventative care. This worries me because he spends much of his time outdoors, and with summer approaching, that time will only increase. My dad plays in a senior softball league, walks his dog twice a day, and spends hours in his garden. I love that he enjoys being outdoors. I just want him to take better care of his skin.
I’ve gently brought up sunscreen a few times, and he kind of brushes it off. He’ll say he’s “fine” or that he doesn’t burn easily. How can I talk to him about this in a way that he’ll actually hear me? How do I encourage him to take this seriously without damaging our relationship?
A. Your worry makes a lot of sense. When something affects our parents’ health, such as skin cancer, it can shift how we see their vulnerability almost overnight.
The upper ear is actually a very common place for skin cancer to develop. It’s one of those spots that many people overlook when applying sunscreen. We often protect our face and neck, but our ears are frequently overlooked, leaving them susceptible to developing skin issues.
I suggest using that detail as an entry point to starting a conversation with your dad. Simply stating something like, “I read that ears are one of the most common places for skin cancer because people often forget them. Did your doctor mention that?” This gentler approach keeps the tone lighter and less directive.
When you initiate the conversation, it’s important to keep in mind how you communicate your concern. This isn’t really about the sunscreen; it’s about how much your dad matters to you. Sometimes our aging parents are more receptive when they hear the emotion behind the “why.” You might say something like, “It really scared me when you had that spot removed. I know it was benign, but it made me realize that I want you around for a long time.” That kind of honesty can land differently than reminders or suggestions alone.
From there, you can help make small changes feel easy rather than burdensome. Instead of telling your dad to wear sunscreen, consider setting him up for success. A spray-on sunscreen by the door makes it almost automatic. He can simply cover himself before he heads out for a walk or to garden.
A wide-brimmed hat is another thoughtful option, especially for gardening. A wide-brimmed hat provides better UV protection than a baseball cap, as the wider brim also covers the ears, adding extra sun protection. You can frame it as something he might like instead of something he “should” wear.
Lastly, I recommend that you loop your conversation back to his recent dermatologist visit. Encouraging him to follow whatever precautions they discussed keeps the focus on professional guidance rather than just your concern.
Remember, you’re approaching this with care and respect, and that matters more than getting every word exactly right.
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