Q. As summer winds down and the back-to-school season picks up, I’m feeling pulled in more directions than ever before.
My husband and I have two teenagers who are involved in sports, clubs, and other activities this year. They’re excited, and we want to support them, but they aren’t driving yet. My husband travels a lot for work, which means that I’m the default transportation coordinator for all after-school events.
At the same time, my parents are getting older and relying more on me. Although I work remotely and have some flexibility, my parents have come to expect me to stop what I’m doing and swing by their house to help whenever they ask.
I want to be there for them, especially since they’ve always shown up for me. However, I’m feeling stretched too thin. How do I find more balance during this season of life without feeling like I’m always letting someone down?
A. I empathize with your struggle and want to start by saying you are not alone. Many adults, daughters in particular, are caught between caring for their families and caring for aging parents.
Before we dive into a few solutions, I want to encourage you by reminding you that working remotely does not mean being constantly available. Work on setting boundaries so that everyone is on the same page.
One way to establish boundaries is to create more structure. Consider setting a standing rhythm with your parents instead of responding to requests as they come. This can look like establishing a certain day of the week as your visit day, or setting Tuesdays/Thursdays as appointment days. This predictability can help reduce stress for everyone.
Next, look for ways to automate tasks that don’t require you to actually be 100 percent involved. Grocery delivery or curbside pickup can save hours each month and reduce last-minute errands. The same applies to pharmacy delivery or recurring household supplies.
It may also be worth looking at your household as a team effort rather than assuming you need to carry every moving piece yourself. Your teens are busy, but they’re also old enough to contribute. Are they helping more with household chores at home during this season? Could they spend an occasional Saturday helping their grandparents with light cleaning or yard work? This can create more space for you while also helping your teens build responsibility and strengthen relationships across generations. And don’t overlook transportation support; explore carpooling with other families whenever possible. Sharing rides can free up time and reduce the feeling that every activity depends entirely on you.
After you’ve automated some tasks, think critically about where your time is actually going. If your visits turn into cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, or mowing, consider outsourcing some of those tasks if financially feasible. Hiring help for house cleaning, lawn care, or seasonal chores can free you to spend your time as a daughter, and not always as the person managing the household.
It may also be worth exploring in-home care support. Even a few hours a week can provide help with errands, companionship, meal preparation, or light household tasks, creating more breathing room for you and your family.
Your teenagers still need you. Your parents also still need you. However, neither group needs all of you all the time. Balance rarely comes from doing more; it often comes from deciding what only you can do and building support around the rest.
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