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December 17, 2015

Editorials

Halloween, extortion, same difference

It’s really a wonder to me how Halloween has become so successful as a holiday. Halloween is the one time of year where we encourage each other to be hideous.

Lessons from a lunar eclipse

At about 8:15 p.m. on Sunday, September 27, I sat down to write this column for what seemed to be the millionth time. I was in a very distracted mood. Unsurprisingly, I was swiftly interrupted by yet another distraction, this time in the form of a text message.

To die like a dog, Part II

I’m going to be blunt. Under very strict parameters, I believe in assisted suicide and human euthanasia. More in human euthanasia than in assisted suicide, in fact, but unless you’re a death-row inmate, human euthanasia isn’t a remote possibility in this country, so assisted suicide is the next best option…I guess.

Sweater weather memories

I will confess; it’s my second year out of college and I still go back-to-school shopping.

To die like a dog, part I

The biggest mistake a writer usually makes when writing about personal grief or an experience that produces heightened emotions is writing about it too soon. What flows is usually deeply personal and doesn’t make much sense to readers in general. Moreover, the spilling of emotions can make people uncomfortable. At the time of writing this, the hurt of losing our dog is still fresh, but I strapped on my journalist cap and did my best to keep the experience of euthanizing our dog as “journalistic” as possible.

12 Signs that you might be addicted to Starbucks

I reluctantly came to terms with my Starbucks habit when I earned my “free drink for every twelve purchases” twice in one week. But honestly, I think my obsession might have been brewing for a while.

The boxes of life are heavy but open them is so sweet

I’m 37, and I’m growing increasingly more terrified to get older. There, I caught your attention, and you probably cracked a rueful smile. However, the joke’s on you because I’m not worried about getting older for reasons you might suspect. (That’s coming, I’m sure.)

Turning my back on Facebook…again

I’ve decided to quit Facebook (again). I know I’ve said this before, and I know it sounds like breaking up with a significant other or quitting an addiction, and in many ways, it is.

Are you ‘on fleek?’ No? Well that’s just peachy, neither am I

I was on the phone with Sun Day advertising representative Kurt Kuehnert the other day, discussing a client’s ad copy, and he said, “They want either red, white, or blue.” He immediately interrupted himself with, “Wait, that’s wrong. They want red, white, or blue….” Can you see the difference? Let’s clarify it.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Introverts

The other day, when I was browsing the Internet instead of sleeping, I came across a quote on a blog that goes like this: “Every introvert alive knows the exquisite pleasure of stepping from the clamor of a party into the bathroom and closing the door.” (Sophia Dembling). Boom.

A game of shadows

The window was always there. He knew the window was there (it wasn’t covered by a dresser or armoire or even veiled behind a curtain for ages), and he saw it every day. But one day, he saw it differently. How a stranger might view it.

Everything I learned about finding inner peace I learned in Sun City

I remember when my grandparents first moved to Sun City. This was back in the day when there wasn’t even a Jewel-Osco across the street.

But times change, and so must I

When I started last April, it was a schedule that, on paper, looked doable. I figured with leniency at my full-time job in Evanston that I would have the adequate amount of time to dedicate to Huntley.

The second ‘golden age’ of television is going to kill me

On my gravestone, it will read “Andrew Steckling, killed by the second ‘golden age’ of television.”

Driving through cold weather is just fine by me, that’s no joke

I’ve written a lot of different material that covers a broad spectrum of categories, during my career. I’ve dabbled in everything from fiction to non-fiction, including ghost writing a chapter on China’s copper usage and how it impacted the stock market for a book on market analysis, which, by the way, was way outside my area of expertise, and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. But I pulled through, as I usually do on writing projects because I’m pretty decent. Not great, but decent. What I’m not decent at is writing jokes.

Men are from Mars, women are from pay less

I’m almost 37 and my feet are becoming pickier than a toddler’s eating habits. Shoe shopping is a Goldilocks state in which I can be found standing in an aisle, slightly adjusting my weight on mismatched shoes, with a look of severe consternation on my face. Picking the right shoe has become a tight balancing act of comfort, style (which I care little about), and budget (which I care a lot about).

Don’t care how, I want it now

“Thirteen-month-old baby, broke the looking glass / Seven years of bad luck, the good things in your past.” The answer was right there, but what was it? I knew I heard those lyrics before, but I couldn’t just name the song. The right circuits in that portion of my brain weren’t connecting.

Man misses ride on Siberian Express

I admit it. I’ve had my nose buried in outside writing projects the past week and haven’t been paying much attention to news beyond Sun City and the Huntley area. Maybe not even beyond Sun City. Perhaps I should count myself lucky I’ve been bundled up in a world of fiction; otherwise, my said nose might have caught a serious case of frostbite when the Siberian Express cold front swept through, which I missed entirely.

Thinking about the road less traveled

Change is weird. I mean, it’s something we all go through, since it’s a natural part of life, but it’s still weird.

Worms… not so bad as aliens but bad enough

There are very few things out there that make me want to crawl out of my skin. The oddest among them is running a hand over wallpaper. To me, it’s the equivalent of running a fingernail over a chalkboard. Until a month ago, worms were not my list of Things That Make You Go Ugh. But one intestinal parasitic infection later, and the idea of worms makes my skin crawl.

Heartbreaker, championship taker

Heartbreak is never easy. It’s even worse when you witness it firsthand. But that’s exactly what I saw occur this last Saturday.

What happened to nickel fines and ‘get it next time?’

For somebody who writes fiction and is addicted to reading, I find character arcs mostly phony. They’re a necessity, sure. But no matter how many times I get tingly seeing Ebenezer Scrooge drop that coin out the window, I ultimately think character arcs are fluff. Who changes their entire outlook on life in the space of night, pushy ghosts or not? I’m certain if the story kept going, by March Scrooge would be back to penny-pinching Cratchit once he put the ghost of Christmas Future safely in the past.

I am quite thankful this holiday season

This year has been a roller coaster, to say the least. New jobs, new friends, loved ones lost and gained. The list goes on and on and on and on. Since this column represents my last piece in 2014, and given that Thanksgiving has just come and gone, what a better way to encompass this year and thank those who helped me get here.

Happy Holidays … or maybe not

I was in my early 20s, working as a manager in a restaurant, when I first heard the concept “perceiving is believing” or said differently “perception is reality.” It was part of our management training booklet, in a section that discussed quality of service. Although the concept was new to me and had its appeal, I, forever the idealist, sort of rejected it because there’s always an impregnable truth.

Seasons aren’t the only things that transition

I am completely unprepared for it to be cold. I mean, I know it’s going to happen. It’s Illinois and it’s November, but I still want to hold on to what warm weather we have. I am a winter baby and do look forward to the season every year, but for some strange reason, I just don’t want it to come. At least not yet.

Can I buy a foul, please?

I think if you’ve been reading Happy Trails for any length of time, you’ll know I’m pretty vanilla in both my writing style and subject matter. I basically write stuff that’s suitable for any age to read, which, for the most part, is good advice, if not for any other reason than it’s more marketable. But I’m going out on an editorial limb in this edition and am writing about swear words. I’ll mask them (It’s Halloween soon, after all), but no matter how many of these @#!% I put in, we all know a swear word when we see it.